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Chocolate for all in my manifesto
I've never been interested in politics and don't find it exciting in the least.
In fact I could quite happily nod off when faced with a passionately political person, and they would be my number one choice for people I don't want to be stuck in a lift with.
When I was at school there was always some student campaigning to get onto the school council, promising such delights as a swimming pool in the sports hall or Friday afternoons off, but of course their promises were always hollow, much like their grown-up counterparts.
However, I like to think that if I was Prime Minister I'd be able to keep my promises, and with that in mind I've started to think about the many things I'd do if someone was crazy enough to leave me in charge of the country.
Firstly, I'd ban all films that just consist of car chases, shooting and incessant noise, and replace them with chick flicks such as Sex And The City, Pretty Woman and Dirty Dancing.
I'd change the National Anthem to something like Agadoo or the Birdy Song – wouldn't it be so much more fun to see those songs being belted out at the beginning of a football match?
I'd change our national dress to something pink and sparkly, and our mascot would be a fluffy, white bunny. I'd tax "man stuff" like those funny little screws and other paraphernalia that men leave on our kitchen counters, and fine anyone who leaves tissues in pockets before putting them in the washing machine.
I'd also ban cricket matches, (who watches them anyway?) and replace them with the likes of egg-and-spoon races and groovy dance displays.
I'd give all ladies an unlimited amount of chocolate for our hormonal times and ban all men from ever asking the immortal question: "Are you in a mood?"
Hot chocolate would be available from fountains everywhere, and all cakes, sweets and biscuits would be calorie and guilt-free. Lastly, I'd give all us ladies a special room where we could get away from watching SpongeBob or Peppa Pig, and fill it with Lush products, a warm jacuzzi, and copies of Glamour and Vogue.
And after introducing all that, I'd retire to my sparkly bedroom and read lots of Jackie Collins novels, content in the knowledge that I was the best Prime Minister to ever walk these shores.
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Friday 10 February 2012
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