Thankfully there are no such things as circus animals now, and when my husband, my daughter and I went last week, we were treated to acrobats, magicians, dancing girls and, of course, clowns.

I had a great time watching it all, but the most fun was spying on the people in the audience.

At the beginning of the show, the ringmaster instructed everyone not to film or photograph anything as it was all copyrighted.

The circus got under way, but just minutes later the ringmaster was there again, repeating the same instruction.

Being the nosey, suspicious person I am, I suspected that there may be some shenanigans going on, and sure enough, a flashing red light on the back row soon gave the game away. The enterprising film-maker soon got a shock though, as when the lights went down for the next act, the ringmaster himself marched up the stairs and gave them a real dressing down.

The camera was back in its bag before they could say abracadabra.
On the front row there was a man who looked like he would have more fun getting teeth pulled, and I christened him Mr Glum.

At the beginning there was the most amazing act: a large see-saw type thing with two death-wish blokes balanced on either side. These men turned upside down, they walked blindfold and jumped around at 50 feet, and it was all absolutely amazing and very scary too.

However, when I looked over to Mr Glum, there he was sending some texts and otherwise looking bored to tears.

Later there appeared some dancing girls – one of which looked suspiciously like Desperate Housewife Nicolette Sheridan. She was gorgeous, with a wonderful figure and dressed in sequined undies.

The men in the audience looked like cartoon characters with their eyes on stalks and tongues hanging out. But not Mr Glum. 'Nicolette' danced about two feet away from him, but it could have easily been Nora Batty up there, for all the interest he took.

At the end he was the first person to leave...